Library Lady Tara's Funniest Books List...

Humor is, of course, completely subjective.  But the following books caused me to laugh aloud and/or spew a beverage while reading. They're not all new, but they are all available on Amazon. 

"In Me Own Words-The Autobiography of Bigfoot" Words and Pictures by Graham Roumieu.  We may not be able to be friends if you don't find this one funny.  Seriously. No, I mean it.

This one made me laugh a lot and cry a little.  Went a little loooong on the "growing up with kooky parents" thing, but more than made up for it.  Someone will have to explain what kind of saint her husband is...

 This one won't be for everyone, but I laughed so much while reading the first few chapters that I had to leave the room, as I was reading in the living room and the Mister was reading in the living room and I got scared that if I didn't take my cackling elsewhere he would get annoyed enough to maybe by mistake put a pillow on my face while I slept that night and kneel on it till the kickin' stopped. p.s. my mother bought this for me so if she tells you "she doesn't read smut", she's lying.  She thought it was as funny as I did, Andy Dick fake rape schtick and all.

Most anything Mr. Sedaris writes is funny...but when he turns the tables on you and gets down and dirty and emotionally deep, watch out.  If you ever have the chance to see him live, jump on it.  He's beyond delightful.  Also, if you write to him, you will most likely receive a beautiful handwritten response.  Crazy bastard doesn't have a computer.

No. 1 is "Coffee".  "Architecture", "Public Radio", "Knowing What's Best For Poor People", "Sarah Silverman" and "Natural Childbirth" are some of the other nuggets in this awesomely uncomfortable read. Try not to laugh.  I dare you.  Bring it to church if you think that would help.  It won't.  Especially if you're Presbyterian.

Speaking of the lovely Miss Silverman,
 
 Here she is.  Her book is everything you thought it would be.




Yes, it's a children's book.  I worked in the Children's Department at the library for more than five years.  I read a LOT of children's books.  Every 9 year old boy I know thinks it's funny too, so that's gotta count for something.



Hilarious.  That's the only reason I can think of as to why it's sold so well.  It not only didn't turn me on, I think it caused temporary frigidity.  It's a complete piece of shit, but if you can get your co-workers to read aloud from it, TOTALLY FUNNY!!! Bonus points if you can get someone in upper management to read the line, "He’s my very own Christian Grey flavor Popsicle."  Excuse me while I retch into my very own Christian Grey barf bag.

Teaching Gratitude, Not Caste

 http://youtu.be/fxyhfiCO_XQ

Normally I don't respond particularly well to campaigns which guilt people into feeling empathy and globality.  My feeling is either you possess it or you don't. The above video, though, is pretty effective at shining a light on just how easy most first world dwellers have it.   I can't abide when  people at the higher end of the socio economic scale do things like take their children to third world countries for vacation (at the luxurious resorts, of course) and on the way from the airport, while being driven through the rougher areas, point out the barefoot, local children and say "aren't you lucky? What do you think THEY got for Christmas/Hannukah? Do you know how lucky you are? You SHOULD BE grateful, to live in a nice house and have nice things."  Ummmm, if you have to point out this glaring bit of obviousness to make your child feel "grateful", then I'm sorry but perhaps you've missed the boat with teaching your child what gratitude is.  It's fine to always strive to keep our children safe and healthy but to let them compare themselves favorably against children who were born to such different circumstance is just taking an easy way out.  Maybe it's a way of parents alleviating their own guilt for all the crap many of us ply our children with.  But it's wrong.  And it creates a terrible message, one that says the kid with the most toys/gadgets/food/clothing is superior to the one without.  There are ways to teach empathy and kindness without bopping a kid over the head with it.

If you're going to take your children to volunteer, say at a meal program, tell them you're going to serve food to people.  That's all.  If they have questions, they'll ask you.  They just need to know what will be expected of THEM while working...they'll figure out that the guests are there because they need the food and human contact the program provides, for one reason or another.  They may ask, and should be told, that sometimes people suffer from mental illness or addiction or job loss and that's what the meal program is about.  Providing food with dignity to anyone who needs it. 
Same idea with vacationing in struggling areas...let your child ask you if he/she has questions.  Then, instead of telling him how "lucky" he is, give him some historical background about the area you're visiting.  That broadens the scope and explains why and how poverty is created.  Perhaps a seed will be planted and, instead of merely focusing on his iPhone and Xbox he'll think of ways to bridge the gap from poverty to stability.
Adopt a cause.  Let the children help you choose an organization which speaks to your family.  Again, focus on the greater picture and decide what it is you feel you can give...whether it's a clean water program, or medicine or food or whatever speaks to you to send out into the world.  
My belief is  the more we take away the dividing lines between people, the more our children will be able to make strides and work to ensure that food, water, shelter, medical treatment should be available to every man, woman and child regardless of the circumstance and geography of their birth.  We're all in this  together, so let's work on extending our resources, not labeling those who need them most. Or, worse yet, using them as a means to teach our children the cheap and easy definition of "gratitude".

A Final Letter of Love, Kindness and Wisdom...

Though I was only lucky enough to have met him a handful of times, I know Jim's daughter Rachel and friends of his who loved him dearly.  Rachel must have had some sense of how cruelly unpredictable life can be as she encouraged him to write a letter to his cherished grandchildren mere months before he left this world.  


 

The following article was published on the Huffington Post by writer Ann Brenoff:
On Sept. 3, 2012, James K. Flanagan of West Long Branch, N.J., died unexpectedly of a heart attack. He wrote this letter to his five grandchildren just months earlier and it is reprinted here with the permission of his daughter Rachel Creighton.

Dear Ryan, Conor, Brendan, Charlie, and Mary Catherine,
My wise and thoughtful daughter Rachel urged me to write down some advice for you, the important things that I have learned about life. I am beginning this on 8 April 2012, the eve of my 72nd birthday.

1. Each one of you is a wonderful gift of God both to your family and to all the world. Remember it always, especially when the cold winds of doubt and discouragement fall upon your life.
2. Be not afraid . . . of anyone or of anything when it comes to living your life most fully. Pursue your hopes and your dreams no matter how difficult or "different" they may seem to others. Far too many people don't do what they want or should do because of what they imagine others may think or say. Remember, if they don't bring you chicken soup when you're sick or stand by you when you're in trouble, they don't matter. Avoid those sour-souled pessimists who listen to your dreams then say, "Yeah, but what if . . ." The heck with "what if. . ." Do it! The worst thing in life is to look back and say: "I would have; I could have; I should have." Take risks, make mistakes.
3. Everyone in the world is just an ordinary person. Some people may wear fancy hats or have big titles or (temporarily) have power and want you to think they are above the rest. Don't believe them. They have the same doubts, fears, and hopes; they eat, drink, sleep, and fart like everyone else. Question authority always but be wise and careful about the way you do it.
4. Make a Life List of all those things you want to do: travel to places; learn a skill; master a language; meet someone special. Make it long and do some things from it every year. Don't say "I'll do it tomorrow" (or next month or next year). That is the surest way to fail to do something. There is no tomorrow, and there is no "right" time to begin something except now.
5. Practice the Irish proverb: Moi an olge agus tiocfaidh sí "Praise the child and she will flourish."
6. Be kind and go out of your way to help people -- especially the weak, the fearful, and children. Everyone is carrying a special sorrow, and they need our compassion.
7. Don't join the military or any organization that trains you to kill. War is evil. All wars are started by old men who force or fool young men to hate and to kill each other. The old men survive, and, just as they started the war with pen and paper, they end it the same way. So many good and innocent people die. If wars are so good and noble, why aren't those leaders who start wars right up there fighting?
8. Read books, as many as you can. They are a wonderful source of delight, wisdom, and inspiration. They need no batteries or connections, and they can go anywhere.
9. Be truthful.
10. Travel: always but especially when you are young. Don't wait until you have "enough" money or until everything is "just right." That never happens. Get your passport today.
11. Pick your job or profession because you love to do it. Sure, there will be some things hard about it, but a job must be a joy. Beware of taking a job for money alone -- it will cripple your soul.
12. Don't yell. It never works, and it hurts both yourself and others. Every time I have yelled, I have failed.
13. Always keep promises to children. Don't say "we'll see" when you mean "no." Children expect the truth; give it to them with love and kindness.
14. Never tell anyone you love them when you don't.
15. Live in harmony with Nature: go into the outdoors, woods, mountains, sea, desert. It's important for your soul.
16. Visit Ireland. It's where the soul of our family was born -- especially the West: Roscommon, Clare, and Kerry.
17. Hug people you love. Tell them how much they mean to you now; don't wait until it's too late.
18. Be grateful. There is an Irish saying: "This is a day in our lives, and it will not come again." Live every day with this in mind.

May the kind words of Jim Flanagan leave an imprint upon the hearts of all those who read them.  Ar dheis Dé go raibh a anam.

What I'm Reading This Week...

How true, how true...

What I've been reading this week:

 
"Interventions" by Kofi Annan-  I've always held huge admiration for Mr. Annan but this book brought him to a whole new level of respect.  He is elegant, eloquent and incredibly astute.  But what strikes me most is his human touch.  It crosses all borders, socio-economic levels and ethnicities.  He manages to explain how such late-20th/early-21st century atrocities such as Rwanda, Bosnia and Darfur were allowed to happen yet he doesn't place unfair blame on any of the forces who would have been able to prevent them.  Pick it up to learn how the UN operates...get sucked in by Mr. Annan's personal dedication to creating a better world.



 Witty, humorous contemporary poetry.  Pick up this gem by Jennifer L. Knox.









 "Late Wife" by Claudia Emerson: heartbreakingly real and lovely.  A true work of art.



"You Can Buy Happiness (and It's Cheap) by Tammy Strobel-sometimes, by reading people's experiences with extreme living, you can take away what you need without committing to an exact replica of how they've instituted positive change.  SO, while I'm not ready to move into a 100 sq. ft. home, I AM ready to lighten my load.




Brilliant, brutal good dirty fun.  I re-read this one, having read it for the first time last year.

Gray Lady Down

One issue I am SOOOOO grateful I don't have to deal with is having my hair colored.  I decided, the year I turned 40, to stop dumping smelly, chemically laden lava on my head every three weeks in order to keep up with the auburn color I'd been using ever since I started greying, in my 20s.  The year it took to grow out was a long one.  And fears of looking like a crazed, Miss Havisham, scary-lady-in-the-neighborhood type played through my mind.  But I couldn't be happier with the results.  My hair receives at least one compliment per day on its color.  Though, a few weeks ago, a 92 year old man came into the library and was chatting us up at the circ desk.  After a whole lot of small talk, he offered to help me dye my hair - "you'll look twenny years younger as a blonde".  I politely declined. But I was more focused on declining because I like my hair than declining because I was creeped out. And, while I think  natural color is almost always more attractive on people, it's not the color as much as it is what is done with it...keep it healthy, don't style it severely (why do so many women get men's hairstyles at a certain age?  Is it REALLY that much easier?) and it will look beautiful and vibrant.  Just check out the grey ladies below:

                                                                                

OK, so Kate Winslet isn't actually grey...but this pic is too stunning to not include.

Daphne Guinness

              

Kristen McMenamy

...and me! Wearing the grey proudly!

Minimalist Living...Am I Capable?

Loving the new "trend" of minimalism...I KNOW I have an issue with getting rid of material things.  But now, it seems there is a very large movement based upon living more simply.  I'm ready to take the next step...which I suppose is unloading all unnecessary "stuff".  The two main offending areas are my bedroom (clothes and shoes and assorted junk) and our basement (where Christmas goes to die). 

I've been changing my diet around (see Snow White pic, below) and trying to only eat "whole" foods...no pre packaged "diet" meals, highly processed foods, etc.  I also have a most unfortunate soda habit which I've got to stop.  Clearly I've got a LOT of room for improvement so here's to good health and uncluttered homes!







http://minimalistlifestyle.wordpress.com/  for inspiration!

Snow White drifted...

Twisted as this picture is, I couldn't help but be amused by it.  Well, be amused by it and use it as a cautionary tale!!!   I put on a few (10!) pounds over the past 6 months or so and now have to work at getting rid of them.  The one thing which seems to always save me is that I like my wardrobe AND refuse to buy anything over a certain size...so if things feel a little snug there's only one solution.  The clothes don't get any bigger, therefore the waist/butt/hips must be  reduced.
Took a look at the book "Are You Tired And Wired?" yesterday...it seems like a promising read in order to boost energy and maintain a healthy weight. I'm on a quest to improve my flagging energy so perhaps this will help.
In all honesty instead of chunky Snow White I almost put up the latest pics of Lady GaGa...it seems the Lady has gotten a little zaftig lately.  That didn't seem to be in the spirit of sisterhood, though.  Let's all stick together and fight the good fight against time and heft.  Here's to fighting the good fight...battling the bulge.

September 2012 Birchbox Bandwagon

LOVE Dr. Jart!  I typically use his "Renewalist" BB. Good stuff.

I was looking for the perfect Grey.  This is IT!

Cynthia Rowley Band-Aids...Everyone else seems disappointed by these, but I think they're adorable.

Received one in lt. lavender.  Gave it to my daughter...made her happy!

Lovely, fairly light floral/summer fruit/hint of musk scent.

$25. off $75. purchase at Madewell.

Benefit foaming cleanser and polish sample (one use).

Cute "LookBook".  I'm very happy with this month's selections.  If you're interested in checking it out for yourself, feel free to use this link (there are rewards to recommending people): https://www.birchbox.com?raf=4t77k 
For 10 dollars a month it's a little way to treat yourself and have a bit of fun.

Words of Wisdom

Have A Seat...

These old metal chairs are my weak spot...they're such throw-backs and look (in my opinion) so charming on a front porch.  Alas I have too many and will be getting rid of some soon, so if you're in the Jersey Shore area and have any interest, let me know! 

Evil Never Looked So Good...

Haven't seen this collection in person yet, but I kind of can't wait to get my hands on it.  I love my makeup, and this is just perfect for a September pick-me-up.  Judging by the boxes, I'm going to guess "Cruella" is the one which would suit me best...at least hair-color wise.  Makeup should be fun, and this fits the bill.  Thanks to fairest-of-all.blogspot.com for the pic!

Slow and Steady...

The Mister and I both ran the Pier House 5K in Long Branch this past Monday (Labor Day).  He is as fast as I am slow...his time was under 22 minutes (!!) while mine was more than 30.  I look absolutely pained in the photo.  A natural athlete I'm not!  We high-fived after he hit the turnaround and started back on the course while I was still slogging toward the 1/2 way mark.  Then, after he crossed the finish, he circled back to keep me company till I made it to the end.  It's a great allegory for marriage/partnership in general...make the effort to circle back and show your commitment to your "team".  Thank you, Mister, for circling back. During the race and life in general.  xoxo

Morning Mermaid Magic

The sky is AMAZING as the sun rises over the Atlantic...this photo was taken at around 4:45 a.m.

This is currently the background on my phone...I try to channel some of the peace I felt that morning when I need it.  Which is usually about 1,000 times per day lately.  It's hard for me to imagine living far from the ocean...except for Manhattan, I've never lived more than 5 miles from the Atlantic or the Pacific.  Hence my seaglass/sand dollar/sea star obsession.

Started running again a couple months back.  Ugh on that...it sucks starting back at the beginning.  Did a slow 3miles on the boards this morning, it was pretty damn humid.  Which makes it even more of a slog.  The pay off is how I feel afterward...SO good.  Nothing like sweating it out-physically and mentally.  Good for the scale, good for the soul.  Good for being able to wear cute clothes.

The Secret Life of the Library...

Working on my book about the various dramas I've experienced while working at a library.  Yes, a library.  Who would think, right?  Trust me when I say, what I've seen trumps ANY soap opera/reality show.  You'll have to wait a bit longer to find out more details, but I may post a preview soon.

I Capture the Castle

Took a last minute drive out to Arcadia University in PA...Middle Daughter is planning on attending there in the fall.  Such a gorgeous campus... (for more info on Grey Towers and Arcadia, check out their site: http://www.arcadia.edu/Campus-Tour-Grey-Towers-Castle.htm )

SO hard to wrap my head around having 2 children in college and my "baby" in high school.  Seems impossible that time has flown by this quickly.  Impossible and kind of cruel...like ripping the rug out from under our feet with no warning and no way to brace ourselves for the empty space left behind.